I haven't been here in a while. I guess I decided this warranted a non-secret post on my xanga. I haven't felt like this in a long time. This painful ache in my heart that won't go away. On monday, I went for the last chorale practice before trip. Yesterday, I went to the airport to send off Raffles Chorale on their trip to Belgium. Today, I arrived at school to an empty chorale table. Now, I've come to realise so many things about myself. I think everyone knows I always complain that choir sucks because it saps so much time and effort out of me. Today I realise that I can't live without it. ...well I mean I'd probably still be alive but you get what I mean. Choir has been such a huge part of my life for the past 6 years. Performance after performance after performance. I live for the breathtaking magic that happens when I stand on that stage and sing with the people I love very much. I live for the practices after practices that make us so tired but yet we stick together and bring each other through. I've come to realise that it's such a painful thing to be sitting right at the back of lt4 and not be able to stand infront with all of you during practice to sing and make music. Yesterday broke my heart very much because I realised that this time I won't be there singing on stage with the people I love so much. I thought I had gotten over the whole issue of getting kicked out of trip by the schoold, but I came to realise that I have only managed to keep it at the bottom of my mind. I cried not because I won't be able to go to some exotic place and have a holiday, but I cried because I won't be there with my friends supporting each other through this trip. I cried because I won't be able to do this with all of you again. I cried because I want to be there singing with all of you even if I said I didn't want to go at first. I cried because I love chorale so much. It's only been a day but it feels so epicly drawn out and draining. I miss all of you so much. Come back with those Golds next week alright? <3 | 
